Michelle Kaplan

Mother’s Day and Other Guilt

Well it’s May, that month again. May, synonymous with spring, baseball and that weird Hallmark holiday - Mother’s Day.
OK, really what’s the point here? For me a perfect Mother’s Day starts with NOT having the kids around. Having a day to myself…peace and quiet. Long bubble baths and a day at the bookstore.
However, now that my kids are at the age of understanding, they’re insulted.
They want to spend the day with mommy, giving me mother’s day, whether mommy wants it or not.
Being a single mom is more than a challenge. I can empathize with so many out there who are doing the mommy thing solo - even the dads.
I have to say, when Hillary Clinton said it takes a village to raise a child, I thought that was credible, but in today’s society, not possible. I was young and childless. Today, not only do I know what she means, I want IN on that deal.

Only a single parent can understand the demands both large and small.
Only a single parent knows what it feels like to take the kids out to dinner. First, of course is a trip to the bathroom, the washing of hands. You get to the table. The server takes the order. You wait. The kids try to sit and behave, this never lasts. The ‘sitting quietly’ ends soon enough with one saying something like this; “He’s LOOKING at me,” which escalates to kicking under the table, which finally comes to a crescendo with the pushing and arguing. Just then, the hot food hits the table as your youngest announces he has to go potty. Nevertheless, you knew this was coming; after all, it’s par for the course. However, for some reason, it always catches you off guard. Now, you all have to leave the table and head back to the bathroom, hoping the server doesn’t think you’ve abandoned the ship due to Sibling Smack Down .
Divorced parents have it tough.
That is why I have no problem with Alec Baldwin.
Mr. Baldwin has a set time everyday where he calls his daughter. This is a wonderful idea for divorced parents. It provides a time to catch up on the day, make contact, and provide consistency. Sometimes pre-teens, teens and children forget that it is just as much for the parent as it is for the child.
After attempting to reach her several times, where she did not pick up the phone. Baldwin left the voice mail heard round the world. Calling his daughter a “rude little pig.”
At the time, I thought to myself, big deal. I’ve said worse…and dare I say so have you.
Then there were the psychobabblers throwing in their two-cents saying how his daughter has been damaged. I am sorry, what about the father? How damaging is it to be abandoned or ignored by your kid. Kids should learn, early on, to be responsible for their actions and the feelings of others, not just their own. They need to understand that the things that they do can have an adverse effect on other people, especially the ones that love them.
While the world watched and admonished him for his thoughtlessness and bad behavior, how many people honestly assessed themselves and the ‘damaging’ words that we are pretty much are all guilty of throwing around on a daily basis.
You may not have called your kid ‘a rude little pig’, not in so many words, but we have all handed down some shame, blame and some things we’d wish we’d never thrown out there.
Although I’m not her biggest fan, I am very proud that Rosie O’Donnell has a big mouth. She spoke up on national TV, her show The View, and counted herself among the normal and said, hey, I’ve cursed at my kids, thank you for really keeping it real.