Michelle Kaplan

No, Really - I’m a People Person

I used to say in job interviews that I was a “people person.” Today that phrase makes me cringe.
Is it just me who has lost my youthful optimism? Lately, I think the collective consciousness out there can agree - People are annoying.
Go to the mall and see the herds of people standing in front of the doorways of stores, blocking your exit or entrance. Annoying. These are the same people who get off at escalators and come to a complete stop. They’re the ones at the theaters making small talk on their cells, they sit at green lights and run red ones and take a half-hour to leave their parking space. They cruise the left-lane at a whopping 20 miles per hour…someone needs to tell “them” that not everyone can drive and talk on the phone at the same time, it’s an art form, not just anyone can attain this ambidextrous feat. Tell me, why we do the things we do? From the ordinary idiotic to the stupendously stupid, everyday, all around us, people are just moving through their lives completely unaware that they’re getting in MY way. And I do say we, I have no illusion that I don’t annoy people as well. After all, I’m from Boston and as hard as it may be to shake the accent, shaking the “driving as a sport” attitude is impossible.
In Boston, cars have two speeds — zero and 80! And when I get behind the wheel I can’t help it, in my head I hear “start your engines.” Aside from my self-actualized realization that weaving and dodging in traffic doesn’t fly in the sunshine state (at least three state troopers have told me so), I have observed that people are more alike than different. I know that, and here is my theory of just how.
I have found there to be three common truths among us, besides death, taxes, and putting pants on one-leg-at-a-time:
1. That everyone seems to feel that they should write a book – about their lives.
2. That everyone thinks that they’re an excellent driver.
3. That everyone thinks that they’re good in bed.
All of these “truths” can be dispelled over the course of one afternoon. But common thought does bring us together, and I don’t mean in a let’s hold hands and sing “Kum ba yah” kinda way.
It also makes us lazy. Common thought is not always for the common good; as in “keeping up with the
Jones,” being “politically correct” and not looking for the truth all around us. It keeps us from free thought and expression and it makes those who practice this unalienable right to be either shunned from the rest of us or made to feel that their original ideas or beliefs are ridiculous. They’re not! They’re just different.
I’d like to make this column a place to discuss and even celebrate the different…sex, politics, relationships, family. And if you don’t think that’s important, just look to the leadership of this country.
They’d love to lead a mindless flock — and that is something I’m hoping, praying even, we are not.
Any questions? Comments?
Bring it on — the good, the bad, the ugly – even the fugly.
And we’ll have fun along the way — don’t worry, I’ll drive.